05/25/24
I arrived home after a long flight coming back from my hiatus. I’ve been thinking about slowness, going internal, and accessing my unconscious. Before I left, I had kept a few things waiting for me upon my return, one of them was my whiteboard - full of untouched ideas, notes, and writing from a past lover. Somehow I had imbued this sacredness onto an object that is inherently meant to be constantly erased, updated, and used; now rendered untouchable. The hands (mine, my lovers, dear friends) that laid claim along the axis of time, now marked on my wall, have opened portals by scribbling love letters, silly drawings, and phrases to help explain things out of frustration in the midst of an argument. I found myself utterly incapable of erasing what has graciously given me a peek into the subconscious desires of those worthy enough to enter my most sacred space. As a result, my whiteboard had been filled the point of uselessness, subverting its original intention. When I opened my door to my bedroom upon my arrival I decided to begin a ritual clearing - a meditation on the act of removal, release, and gratitude.
The most sacred parts of us are sometimes intentionally hidden by our cerebral programming - one of these is the sublingual moments, seemingly careless doodles, phrases spoken under our breath. It is these in-between moments and subconscious dealings with the universe that show us who we are. Our desires, primordial in nature, will only speak to us when we crack the door. What we feed will exponentiate, yet what we ignore will try to find other ways to have its voice be heard. In ritual, we unite the current and active experience of our emotional state with our inner primordial world that has yet to make its way to the tongue.
ReadingThe Creative Act by Rick Rubin (it’s questionably good)
Watching The birds on my fire escape
Hearing It’s Up To Me, by Chaos in the CBD
Eating Sundubu Jigae and Ox Bone Soup